人民日报民生观：当“尽孝心”遇上“催结婚”

呼唤文明 · 发表于 2015-2-25 10:16

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想竭力尽孝心，又想尽量保持自己，怎么两全？　　

　　媒体上批评过一种现象：回到家，跟父母说不到两句话又埋头手机，形式上回家了，心没回来。

　　玩手机影响心的交流，倒也好办，控制一下频率，该撂下时候撂下就是。可是，有些东西似乎撂不下。比如，生活观念和规划。啥时候结婚？生不生孩子？子女有子女的设计，父母有父母的想法，一深入交流，往往矛盾就出来了。难怪好些白领，每逢年关，又想回去，又怕回去。

　　又想竭力尽孝心，又想尽量保持自己的生活节奏，怎么两全？作家木心有句哲语，或可作破局的钥匙：“集中于一个目的，作种种快乐的变化。”

　　孝亲是目的，但实现的路径，可以作种种“快乐的变化”，非得脱鞋上炕唠嗑、打麻将，才叫陪二老？带爹妈出趟国、旅游旅游，带父母一起慢跑、健健身，甚至把老人家拉进群里，也感受一下“红包狂潮”，跟你一起玩手机，不也挺好？老太太不见得比你抢得慢！或者，陪老人家广场舞一回，感觉也很另类。找一个双方都能接受的平衡点，这是生活智慧。

　　同样，好好过日子是目的，可生活环境不一样了，也得允许生活方式上的变化。老人接受这个变化，可能比接受玩手机要难些——他们那个时代，晚婚甚至单身、丁克，这些路走的人确实少，有疑虑也属正常。如果想说服父母，最有力的证据莫过于展示自己在新路上的矫健步伐。换了条路，但照样快乐，过得生龙活虎，父母或许就容易接受些。

　　一位博士生的回乡笔记在朋友圈流行。笔记记录了乡村发展的困难、知识在改变命运时的无力感。很快，一位高校青年教师也贴出了自己的返乡感受，认为“城镇化进程，实际上给多数人带来了更多机会，而不是相反”“读过大学的人相对而言会有更高的成长空间”。视角不一样，看到的情况不一样，这恰说明了“三农”问题的复杂性。肯定城镇化的成绩和正视乡村的困难并不矛盾，应该奔着城乡协调发展这个目的，分别努力，以求新变化。

　　还是说过年。我们正在进行从农耕文明向工业文明、信息社会的跨越，社会在发生结构性的变化。用30年前的标准看，现在年味确实有些淡了，亲族相聚的时间也短了，但也不必过分担忧。关键在于，和谐、友善的过年目的不要变，找出新的路径，让变化成为“快乐的变化”。